Needless

I'm an Anaesthetist. I put in intravenous drips & central lines; I draw up various drugs from glass ampoules, I take blood and I put in stitches. I handle a variety of sharp things every day.

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

While stitching a patient's arterial line in place yesterday, the needle accidentally went through my glove and pricked my finger. Bugger. Hassle.

Sadly there is no equivalent to the three-second rule* for needlestick injuries.

It's a common occurence in a hospital and can happen to almost anyone; that's why there are strict protocols to follow when it does happen because of the risk of catching blood-transmitted diseases (eg squeeze out any blood, run under a tap for 5 mins, contact the Occupational Health department, fill in forms, etc). Did all that. And thankfully my patient was low risk for carrying anything horrid and it was only a minor incident.

My main problem now was that I had to provide a blood sample for the lab for storage.

Now I can quite happily stick needles into other people. No problemo signor. Eez-a no big-a deal. Awake, asleep, adult, kid, any size, any needle - lemme at 'em.
As the 6th law of The House of God states: "THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14 NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM"

I've lost count of the number of patients who've said to me
- "I don't like needles, Doc"
(It's always "Doc", never Doctor - does this happen in with other professions? Den? Vic? Who?)
And each time, I reassure them, whoever they are, young or old
- "It's not so bad. It's just a little scratch". That's what I tell other people.

But I lie. It is so bad. It's a hollow metal spike going through the skin.

And in this case, through my skin. And it hurts. Ow. More Ow. Still Ow. Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeon....

I had foolishly agreed to let a newly-qualified doctor friend of mine with a spare minute take my blood sample. Despite the threats encouragement I gave him beforehand, he didn't get it first time. Of course, I wasn't initially aware of this because I was looking the other way, remoulding the plastic armrest of the chair as I gripped it tightly with the other hand. I did not cry.

It hurt though - and when he pulled the needle out, it still hurt.
I pressed a cotton-gauze pad against the site & I mumbled "thanks" but I was thinking "I hope you fall down eighteen flights of stairs onto a spike - why did it hurt so much, you bastard?"


After a few minutes of applying pressure, I took off the gauze. A purple-black bubble started to grow under my skin between two holes which started to leak red**. Oops. Slapped the gauze back on & asked the nurse for a fresh one.

It was at that very moment that the Consultant barked for me to come over and tell the assembled team about our new patient immediately.

So as I was presenting this man's case to an assortment of doctors, nurses & physiotherapists, Sister was knelt beside me putting a tight dressing on the front of my bleeding elbow. It must've looked absolutely ridiculous.

I tried not to think about it (it's just a little blood test for fuck's sake) but my elbow stayed sore the whole day.

I'm such a wuss.
In fact I've still got a plaster on it now...


Don't even get me started on pulling off plasters...

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* for food which falls on the floor - if you pick it up within 3 seconds, it's still clean and safe to eat (well-known medical fact)

** Yes, I know- I probably ought to have a clotting test done. Did I mention I don't like needles...