Carma

I'm a big fan of Dara O'Briain. Or at least I used to be.

I'd seen him do stand-up on telly many years ago (before he got famous) and I'd always wanted to go & see him live. A few years ago when I was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, I knew he was doing a show & I was really looking forward to seeing him. When I got there, I was gutted to find all the tickets had sold out for every night. So imagine my joy when he added an extra day to his run of shows! At that time he was my comedic hero. And I had a ticket.

So earlier in the afternoon I went to see some rather peculiar stand-up on the other side of Edinburgh; I had to leg it halfway across town to get in to Dara's show and I got there just before they closed the doors.

The only seats left were at the front.

I know, I know - I wasn't thinking.

Being a singer (classically trained dontcha know) I seem to have developed a rather loud, clear laugh and O'Briain, being pant-wettingly hilarious live, noticed me laughing my head off right in front of him. So he picked on me. Again & again.

Well, OK, he only asked me a few questions at first. But in a gross lapse of judgement, I said something in an attempt to be funny which backfired massively.
And...er.. I may have dug rather a massive hole for myself. Giving him unlimited ammunition to take the piss repeatedly throughout the show. Which lasted over an hour and a half.

It was excruciating. Even whenever he picked on someone else, they would just remind him about me & he'd come back to have another go.

I have never been so embarrassed in my life.
(And that includes the time I performed an entirely fictional song about a horrendous relationship (no, it's not on the CD) - and Adam dedicated it - in detail - to the girl I'd recently split up with. In front of dozens of her friends.)

After my verbal slaughter by O'Briain, I went straight home & changed my clothes in case anyone who had been in his audience bumped into me that evening & recognised me.
That's how humiliated I was.

Anyway, I had to let it go - I mean, I still thought he was brilliant.
Just not my favourite comedian any more.

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A couple of weeks ago I drove to Wimbledon. Stuck in traffic near the town centre, I noticed in my rear-view mirror that there was a bald bloke being driven in the car behind who looked a bit like an unshaven Dara O'Briain in a light blue shirt. I didn't think anything of it again and drove around trying to find somewhere to park.

Very pedestrianised area is Wimbledon. I ended up going twice round the one-way system looking for somewhere to leave my car that wouldn't cost me a tenner.

At one point I was at pedestrian lights; everyone had crossed, no-one was waiting, lights had turned green, so off I went.

Suddenly out of nowhere, this big bloke leapt out into the road in front of my car, and then froze in terror as he saw me heading towards him.

I SLAMMED on the brakes. The car stopped an inch away from the man.

Bald. Unshaven. Wearing a blue shirt.


Ladies & gentlemen... standing right in front of me was Dara O'Briain.

Looking like he'd just shat his pants.



We're even now....