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Sunday, 21 January 2007

Temptation

Posted on 05:20 by Unknown
I read this story on a forum elsewhere but had to share it with you:


"I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to get over. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."


The moral of this story is:

























Always keep your condoms in your car."
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Thursday, 18 January 2007

How did I get here?

Posted on 10:49 by Unknown
Sometimes I like to just stop and take a minute to see where I am; it never fails to amuse me.

Today I had more exam practice with various senior colleagues; I would sit in a room with one of them as they asked me questions and we discussed the answers afterwards. One topic we covered was diabetic ketoacidosis - including the type of overbreathing that patients adopt to try and get rid of carbon dioxide, Kussmaul breathing.

I went off into a bit of a daydream for half a second when my Consultant & I were discussing it, sitting in his very small, windowless office.

All of a sudden I realise that I'm trapped in a cupboard with an old man heavy-breathing at me like some kind of perverted pensioner.

I stayed calm. (Might happen in the exam, you never know)


Like the time when I was doing my Gynaecology placement as a student, and my boss happened to be a long-term family friend - one day she had another student with her, who by complete coincidence was another (unrelated) family friend. Normal clinic takes place, and I have to do various supervised, medical studenty things.

Suddenly it occurs to me that I have two fingers inside a total stranger, with Aunty peering over my one shoulder and my 'cousin' peering over the other.

No-one even offered me a samosa.
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Tuesday, 16 January 2007

Sepia

Posted on 04:34 by Unknown
One of the specialists at the hospital very kindly gave up part of yesterday afternoon to help me revise Paediatric Resuscitation & practice CPR on different sized manikins. He's a really nice man.

Although he does spend much of his working life on his knees, kissing dolls...
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Friday, 12 January 2007

Petty Crime

Posted on 11:45 by Unknown


There's so much to say regarding Tom Petty's 1994 song "Mary Jane's Last Dance" and its video... so I think I'll let you guys say it.

Make one point each (in the comments section), be nice and enjoy.

Over to you...
- S -
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Tuesday, 9 January 2007

Ev'rybody Needs Good...

Posted on 03:16 by Unknown
...Advice.

It used to be that a career in Medicine meant you were as good as guaranteed a job for life. With hard work, exams, research, you could go into any specialty you wanted and maybe one day become the best.

But now, in a desperate political bid to please the public and provide more doctors at Consultant level, the career structure is being given a total overhaul and the process is being streamlined.
What it boils down to is that half of all newly-qualified doctors will be fast-tracked and called "Consultants" after only 7-9 years experience, with the remainder staying as temporary trust grade doctors but doing the same work.
Everyone can have a job, but you won't have much of a say where in the country or in which specialty it will be. The flowchart even has a suspiciously large yellow box with the option "Leave Medicine".

We're desperate. The application forms are being published soon. We need to be told what to expect and how to boost our chances of being able to follow our own chosen career path once MMC (Mismanaging Modernising Medical Careers) comes into force.

It's a very unstable time. We need guidance. I turned to this week's edition of BMJ Careers to see if the British Medical Association, the largest support organisation for doctors, have any helpful words.

Biggest story? An interview with Dr Karl Kennedy from Neighbours.

um...
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Friday, 5 January 2007

Phoney

Posted on 12:29 by Unknown
Last year, my mobile started lying to me.

I would receive say, a saucy text from my girlfriend, and the phone would tell me it was from one of my consultants.
Highly embarrassing as you can imagine
(I sent them a reply anyway. Things got a bit messy...)


But just over a week ago my screen broke suddenly for no reason* and Orange sent me a replacement the next day. Unfortunately the bastard SIM card refused to save any of my numbers so I had an empty addressbook in my new handset & I entered just the important ones straightaway.
And that's when the problems really kicked in:

- Sarah & her dad accidentally swapped phones for a day - awkward to say the least...

- I split up with Sarah sadly (but not because of the above);
now I think I've short-circuited the new phone because of our conversations since then (men are allowed to cry sometimes, shut up)

- my phone's 200 message memory is full already - I try to reply to each txt I get but I just can't win, someone always complains - friends, patients...

- I haven't got the number of every single person I've ever met on my phone... why does no-one bloody say who they are when they txt their whole addressbook on New Year's Eve?!


But my brother received the stupidest txt ever:
"This is my new number, please delete the old one"

That was the whole message.

WHO ARE YOU?! Idiot...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Incidentally, I tend to use a disposable camera because the one on my phone is unhelpfully stupid - when people tell me how rubbish my disposable camera is, I drop it on the floor and say "OK, do that with your camera then?". Thus I win.

Anyway, I can't find my disposable camera anywhere in the flat
er... I think I've thrown it away...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Tuesday, 2 January 2007

Why 2k+7?

Posted on 10:59 by Unknown
Happy New Year. And all that. Had a combination of the absolute best and worst Christmas holiday ever. Don't ask.

I'm just glad to be back at work.

There's a fine line between putting someone to sleep (as in giving them an anaesthetic) and putting someone to sleep (like the vet or the man in the special Swiss clinic does); that fine line was completely obscured by my first patient today - shwasbloodyenormous and a disaster of Titanic proportions (literally), waiting to happen.

The surgeon was not having fun. At one point he shouted "Right, that's it. Wake the patient up. Now. I want to tell her she's ruining my operation because she's too fucking fat." Aw, bless.

Another surgeon yelled at me a few weeks ago (he wasn't pleased that we diagnosed his first patient with a heart condition and cancelled her operation, simply because there was a large chance she'd die on the table - oh, sorry...). But we put on a Seventies CD during the next operation and he was dancing around (a bit) & singing along and forgot all about it! Sorted.

Simple creatures, Orthopods... Sometimes I wish I was one.
Or a squirrel.
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