Swaziland...

...was not a theme park.

I was MOST disappointed.
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Well, I'm STILL in Africa...

So far I've done:
-Kenya (where I jumped with Masai warriors),
-Tanzania (including Zanzibar)
-Mozambique (where it rained almost continuously - although I ate the best seafood I have ever tasted in my life),
-Swaziland (where the King gets another new wife every year)

And now I'm taking my minor illnesses around South Africa (cough, cold, eye infection, etc).


After the busload of students, my new tour group consists of:

- me
- a married couple
and
that's it! Ho hum... Still, they're great fun - Aussies!


I'm all safari'd out.
I've seen The Big Five (Lion, Leopard, Buffalo, Elephant & Rhino) but only eaten one (so far).

And there's a week to go! I'm really looking forward to coming home, but still left on the itinerary before arriving in Cape Town are:

an ostrich farm,
an elephant sanctuary,
Birds of Eden,
and Monkeyland

(which had better be a theme park...)

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Waving (While Drowning)

If I don't make it to old age and die of natural causes, then I'm probably going to drown to death.


I can swim to save my life... but I'd prefer it if it didn't to come to that.

I've been snorkelling once before. It wasn't difficult.
So yesterday I jumped off the boat into the choppy waters of the Indian Ocean and was surprised to find I couldn't snorkel any more.

Instead I inhaled lungfulls of ocean. I'm not really designed for breathing underwater. If my nose is blocked (say, by a snorkelling mask) my natural instinct is to try & breathe in much harder until something gets into my lungs through my nose. In this case, lots of saltwater.

Despite being a singer, I'm actually quite bad at controlling my breathing. Which is why I am physically unable to smoke (even though it's cool & attracts the girls) - I just don't have the co-ordination.

I just couldn't overcome this whole breathing thing AND swim at the same time (I am only human after all) so I shamefully got back into the boat.

We went to much calmer waters a little later on, and there I could do it fine.
(Maybe it was 'cos I was wearing a life vest, I don't know)
First I hyperventilated.
Then I breathed liked Darth Vader with a head cold.
Then I sounded like a failed wean on ITU.
And finally, eventually, I was breathing normally.
So normally in fact that I couldn't hear myself breathing.
Because I'd stopped breathing.

Deep breath, glug glug glug, koff koff koff.

But after that setback, I got the hang of it pretty well. There were bazillions of fish, amazing colours, just indescribably beautiful. I just hung there as they swam around me. It was incredible.

After what seemed like hours, I eventually looked up, to find the boat & everyone else.

Gone.

I nearly pooed myself.

I have no sense of direction at the best of times. But thankfully, I was just facing the wrong way! Phew!

Saw a family of dolphins on the ride home too. Excellent!


So the trip's now going much better. I've found a few normal people to talk to, I've played football & volleyball (in Italian for some reason) and won the Karaoke competition last night.

I've had a really relaxing week. And it only cost the same as a week's camping!


Back on the truck in a few days - next stop South Africa!
Laters
-S-

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Camp

I'm on holiday in Africa and it's all going very well.


I've seen lions shagging on safari, nearly had my lunch pulled out of my hand by a vulture, handled a over-friendly boa constrictor and haggled eager shopkeepers into selling me their tat at a financial loss.

I've seen some of my friends develop comical sunburn patterns and I myself have got mosquito braille all over my ankles and my face has gone dark enough for me to be mistaken for a local ethnic.

The last two weeks have been spent mainly in campsites in Kenya & Tanganika (think up to 14 hours on a truck along dusty pot-holed roads, long-drop pit toilets, eating stew in the dark from metal plates and sleeping campsites with hyenas running through them).
In a few days time I'm starting another two week camping tour round South Africa (whose main claims to fame, everyone so kindly informs me, are gun crime, racial intolerance, and nice wine).


However, due to slight oversight on the parts of both my travel agent & myself, I'm spending this middle week in a luxury resort on the paradise island of Zanzibar. All food is included (you may recall that I see "All You Can Eat" as a personal challenge - Octopus is surprisingly filling); the experience is slightly spoiled by the waiters CONTINUOUSLY asking if I'm OK (I'm eating, of course I'm OK).

More importantly ALL drink is included (I am trying everything on the cocktail menu - have got to G so far and might not last the week)

To compensate for this Bacchin... Bachanae... pigging out, I've tried to participate in lots of sporting activities. However I usually need a short period of snake-like digestive sleep after each meal, so all I've really managed is AcquaGym & Water Polo - and I'm put to shame by the saggy old retired women (at least 2 of whom are called Beryl).

The rooms are amazing; the maids even sneak in while you're at dinner, and spray the room with mosquito repellent & fragrance & leave a creepy note saying "Sweet Dreams" on the pillow of the huge four-poster beds.

Everyone here is in couples. It would be an ideal place to bring your girlfriend/wife/husband/boyfriend (or combination of the above if so inclined).

But for that reason, I can't really properly hang out with anyone.
I do have the OHCM for company on the beach when it's quiet, but it's not the same as a real person...


And so, bizarrely, I find myself missing the students, travel agents & random foreigners that I was hanging out with on the truck... and look forward to meeting a new bunch in a few days.


I think I'll go drown my sorrows in the bar/pool.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, the irony is not lost on me - I'm whinging about being on holiday at a fab sunny beach resort; feel free to remind me when I'm doing 6 months of Chronic Pain clinics or spending Xmas Day on call!

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Suman is in ZANzibar!

I'm in an Internet cafe in Tanzania

Fuck me, the connection is SO sl

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